The End
by The Black Sacrament
Summary: "There stands a pale man with glowing red eyes. His skin is as pale as snow. The stillness of his body is unnatural. The man doesn't even take a breath. Something in my mind tells me he is death. I want to embrace him." Suicidal thoughts. Attempted suicide. Femslash. Angst. Death.
1. chapter 1

**_"I can tell you something about life_**

 ** _...the End"_**

You know that feeling when you have acid poured into your veins? I hope you never have to. It felt like pain was everything that I had ever known. Like pain was the answer to every question. I had wanted to die, yes, but I was hoping for instantaneous. Not all encompassing suffering. I've never wanted to die more than I did in those days or years. I don't even know how long it took.

 _I stood at the edge of the cliff looking over. It is beautiful. The blue sky hanging over the vibrant green trees. They majestic and strong. So full of life. They make the urge to jump stronger._

 _How can a tree have more life than me? I have consciousness and feelings. I have skin and bones. Blood and sweat. Pain and love._

 _In this, I find my answer. They don't feel pain or think. They just **are**. This in itself is beautiful and I long to be like them. _

_As I look over the cliff, I see the long journey I will take to the rocks below. It taunts me and calls me forward. I step forward boldly. Rocks tumble over the cliff. They taunt me as well._

 _The snapping of twigs behind me makes me turn around._

 _There stands a pale man with glowing red eyes. His skin is as pale as snow. The stillness of his body is unnatural. The man doesn't even take a breath. Something in my mind tells me he is death. I want to embrace him._

 _"You look so longingly at certain death," he speaks softly. If I wasn't as numb as I am I would have marveled over his voice. It was like a melody._

 _"I'm ready to die." My voice is lifeless. The man tilts his head at me. His long, black hair sways behind him._

 _"Why?" Flashes of my life pop into my mind. Big hands and pain. All encompassing heartbreak and abandonment._

 _"I have no place in this world." My answer is instant and true. I have never belonged. I have yearned for a place I never knew. I finally know how to get there. Death._

 _"I can give you death, young one," he says, stepping closer. I watch him silently. He is obviously not human. Maybe he will make it quick. "You have much potential."_

 _I squint at him and suddenly he is embracing me. I don't fight him off of me. I am just a ragdoll in his arms. He will give me what I want._

 _"This will hurt," he murmured. His nose ran up my neck slowly. "You will awaken as death and whomever hurt you will fall at your feet."_

 _Before I could think about what he meant, sharp pain radiated from my neck. I grunted as he drank my blood fervently. When he detached from me my vision became blurry. Suddenly, it felt like acid had been pour into my veins. I could hear my screams echoing through the trees._

When my heart finally stopped I thought I was finally dead. I thought maybe I was in the abyss of nothingness that I longed for. That was until the burning began.

I opened my eyes and wished I didn't. I stared at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing I had ever seen. As I looked around I couldn't help but feel awe overtake me. Everything was amplified and clearer than I'd ever seen it before. I felt like I had new eyes.

A movement in another room catches my attention. I'm up and crouched in second. A growling noise emanates from my chest.

My brows raise in surprise. What is wrong with me?

"You're a vampire, young Ivy." I growled threateningly at the man that appears before me. How does he know my name?

He is familiar. Flashes of a cliff and red eyes come to me suddenly. Rage courses through my body. "My name is Joseph. I am your sire and teacher."

"I wanted to die." My jaw drops at my voice. It sounded like sex. Husky and low. The man grins at my reaction.

"You are dead. You have no heartbeat," he said matter of factly. I growl in frustration. I did not want this. "You are eternally death. A creature of the night. You will bring death to many humans. Don't you feel the power? You are immortal."

I straighten from my crouch slowly as I think. I do feel powerful. The tired depression is gone. The internal pain is gone. There is only thirst. I grab my throat as the flames crackle.

"It is time to hunt, my childe," he said, smirking.

We ran into Seattle. I was awed by the feeling of strength I felt. My legs didn't feel tired and I didn't feel winded. All I felt was power and thirst radiating through me.

We came into an alley where a man and a woman stood kissing. I held my breath as we strode toward them with purpose. Joseph whispered for me to take the male and I nodded absentmindedly. He looked strong. I could see the vein pumping in his neck.

They startled when we appeared behind them. The woman tried to scream but Joseph grabbed her and began to drink. I grabbed the man as he tried to run. When I inhaled the thirst became too strong. My body acted on its own. My teeth sank into his thick neck like butter to a hot knife. As soon as the blood met my tongue I moaned deeply.

He tasted like the ripest strawberry in existence. He tastes like the fruit of the Gods in my mouth. I gulped and gulped until he was a dry husk and then sucked some more. I growled angrily and threw the body away. He wasn't enough.

"Don't become angry. This city is a feast for our kind," Joseph rasped from behind me.

I looked down at the mans corpse curiously. I had killed a man. He had done nothing wrong except be human. I waited for guilt to flood my body. I waited in vain. It never came. Even as my sire and I slaughtered five more people. The guilt never came. I don't know if that made me feel or worse.

I stayed with Joseph for 6 years. He was a good man at heart but he had a problem with my lack of feelings for him. He wanted my love and devotion. For me to be his mate. Sadly, I was not attracted to him in the way. The sex was great but I preferred the fairer sex. I owed him a lot. He'd taught me to control my thirst and helped me develope my gift.

It turned out the Joseph could read minds but only through touch. It was a convenient tool to help me develop my own. We discovered that I could implant subconscious thoughts into the mind. He helped me to make it easy and without struggle. Not even he himself could not fight the urges I implanted into his mind. In the end, when I wanted out, he couldn't find the will to object.

As I ran into Forks, I smelled a variety of scents. The smell of wet dog and vampire permeated the area. This intrigued me even though it should have sent me packing. I had never met a shifter but Joseph had. He told me they were as big as horses and could tear us apart.

He also told me about the animal feeders. I couldn't understand how they did it. I'd experimented with it once and declared I would never do it again without proper cause.

It was like tofu compared to a ribeye steak.

I followed the scent to a meadow. It was quite beautiful. It bloomed with beautiful plants and I stood admiring it for a moment. As I inhaled, I smelled a delicious human scent. It was an older scent but it still made my mouth water. I followed it eagerly.

My nose carried me to a two story, white house. An old orange truck sat in the drive alone. It was a nice truck despite the rust.

It reminded me of my truck when I was human.

The window on the top floor was open. I sat in a tree listening to the humans heart thudding slowly in her chest. She sat on a chair staring out at the woods. For a moment I thought she saw me but her heartbeat remained steady.

The girl looked like death. There were bags under her eyes and her hair hung lifelessly. Her stare was absent, like she was remembering something. I knew what she was feeling immediately. I had been there and done that. Something in this girl's life had broken her. She had shut down and let the pain take over.

Sympathy overwhelmed me. I felt the need to talk to her and let her know everything was okay. That life goes on. I had no idea how. I didn't want to risk letting her find out what I am. My skin is deep caramel but it still has an odd palor. My blood red eyes give it away. I decided I would watch her and make sure she didn't hurt herself.

I watched over the girl, Bella, like a hawk. I learned her schedule and decided to introduce myself while she was at work. There she would see me as only a customer. I would create conversation and plant the idea of me as a friend into her mind.

I strode into the store confidently. My favorite tight ripped jeans sat comfortably on my waist and my crop top accentuated my toned stomach. I ran a hand through my hair as I walked up to the counter. It was long enough to put into a bun but I left it down. I liked running my hands through it.

Bella looked toward me and her heart began to beat a little faster. Her eyes lingered on my torso. When she looked into my eyes her heart when haywire. I frowned as I came up to the counter.

"Where are your backpacks," I asked, casually. She stared at me for a moment before speaking. Her eyes were like saucers.

"T-they're in the back," she stammered.

I reached out with my gift and tried to implant and idea into her mind. She just stared at me in fear. I frowned heavily and tried again. She just continued to stare. What the fuck? I guess my plan is ruined.

I walked into the back of the store and picked out a black leather bag. As I came back up to the counter Bella looked deathly pale. Her hands shook as she scanned the tag on my item.

"Are you okay," I asked, softly. Bella flushed. The girl looked like she might faint.

"Are you with Victoria?" I squinted at her. I had no idea who this Victoria was.

"No, I don't know her." She looked slightly relieved and nodded. She told me the price and I handed her the money. As I began to walk away, Bella stopped me. I turned around slowly and raised my brows at her.

"I... I know what you are."

My undead heart dropped into my stomach.


	2. I Want You To Know

**Felt inspiration. This story will not be happy. Just letting you know. It's my outlet of years of heartbreak and pain. Enjoy and REVIEW. ;)**

 **"I can tell you something about people**

 **...The End."**

I found out that Bella knew a lot about vampires. Apparently, she dated one of the Cullens. Edward. I never said his name around her but I thought about the effect the boy had on her. From what I learned about mates, you couldn't leave your mate once you found them. So, the boy lied pretty heavily. I decided not to tell her about this until I made her better. That would take some work.

We started small. I would sit with her in silence or create conversation. She was a very intelligent girl. The subjects were able to hold conversations on were not normal for a teenage girl. I'm not very old, let's be clear. I did read a lot of books when I was turned though. Joseph was an enthusiast and I had nothing better to do when I wasn't hunting.

I learned that Bella loved the ocean. The smell it left on her skin was soothing, she said. I learned that she hated her hair being long and yearned to change its color. She liked to read and write stories. They used to be about love and now they're blank pages.

I learned that she felt empty inside. Haunted by the ghosts of him. She said when she was around me she saw him telling her to run. It broke my heart a little.

It was not as easy as one would think to get her comfortable with me. At first, she had been afraid and apprehensive. Her heart would beat fast in her chest and those pale hands would shake. Stuttered responses were all I would recieve.

In the beginning, I would sit beside her silently (when she finally realized I would not eat her). I'd watch her return to the darkness inside her mind. She looked peaceful. Like being numb was her escape. I knew better than that. Being numb is more painful than the heartbreak itself.

After a few days of this, I began to tell her my entire life story. From the beginning, to that moment. At first she didn't say anything but I could see her waking up. Her recovery began as the questions did. I could see the realization in her eyes.

We were the same. The only difference being I was abused and she was not. In the end, it didn't matter because I understood and she needed that. Someone who had felt her pain. Someone who understood loss and the supernatural world. Before me she had no one to talk to. The wolf boy wasn't talking to her anymore over some bullshit. I was the only one.

As Bella became more alive, she wanted to be outside more. I obliged of course.

We went to the meadow, Edward's meadow, she called it in the beginning. I was surprised. She didn't flinch once.

Her father thanked me with awkward words of gratitude and questions about my "eye condition". The man was genuinely thankful for my efforts but I used my gift just in case he had suspicions of me.

We sat together cross legged in the meadow. She called it our meadow now.

We enjoyed the soft breeze and sun set here on Saturdays. She told me of the vampire Laurent that died here, of Victoria who wanted her dead. Cold rage froze my body even more than it already was. The thought of Bella being hurt in any way make my chest rumble with a growl.

 _I should have known.._

"Are you okay, Ivy," she said, concerned. I cleared my throat unnecessarily and nodded.

"I'm alright. Just know that this Victoria will not be a problem much longer," I said with a strained smile. She didn't notice and blushed heavily. I inhaled and smiled. Her scent was delectable, yes, but it never bothered me like she said it did Edward.

"I wonder why you're still here sometimes," she said, thoughtfully. My face pinched up in confusion and she continued. "I'm just a human. You're all powerful and stuff. You could be doing anything."

I thought on this for a moment. She was right. After my turning, I never thought of humans as anything other than food, occasionally sex. Bella was different. The thought of leaving had never crossed my mind from the start. I felt the need to protect and heal her. Period.

"I'm not leaving you any time soon."

Bella decided to do the one thing she wanted to do most. Change. I held her hand while the lady at the salon cut her hair and dyed it. She smiled brightly as the strands fell to the ground slowly. I watched, enraptured. This was the beginning of a new start and I was here to witness it. To encourage it and applaud it. To tell her she was beautiful and watch her blush violently. I felt proud in that moment.

She wanted me to sleep with her more often than not. She said she was used to cold bodies. In the beginning, she would call his name in her sleep. Jerking and grabbing me in her sleep. After a while that stopped. The nightmares went with it. After a while it was my name she whispered softly. The first time it happened I swore that my heart gave a thump. It scared me. She scared me.

The way I found Victoria was an accident. I was too apprehensive to go to Seattle to feed and so I decided on mountain lion. Despite my earlier declaration of never doing it again. As I stalked the beast, I felt a presence with my gift. A mind in range of my gift. It stretched about 5 miles in radius. I forsakened the majestic animal and followed my sixth sense to the person.

She stood with a hiker in her hands at the bottom of a mountain. The man struggled in her grasp as her head turned to growl at me. I pondered Bella's descriptions and recognized her smell as one that I caught a whiff of coming to Forks. I smiled and felt my gift expand. Once I had a grasp of her mind I implanted an idea. _Not a threat,_ it whispered. I could see the change immediately. Her body untensed and the growling stopped.

"I apologize for interrupting your meal," I said placatingly. Her head tilted at me like a puppy. She wasn't unattractive in any way. Too bad I had to rip that pretty head off.

"Let me finish this meal and I'll be right with you." Her voice was childlike and innocent. It was oddly attractive. As she drained the man I tensed up. He smelled good. His fear called to me but I held it down.

She dropped the man without care and stalked toward me like a lioness. I licked my lips provocatively and she grinned.

Her arms wrapped around me and her lips met my neck. Disgust welled up inside me unexpectedly. I faked a moan and grabbed a hand full of her hair. While she was preoccupied I planted another idea. _Don't move._ She stilled immediately.

I pulled her head back hard and her eyes widened comically. Her fear egged me on.

"This is for Bella," I sneered. I could see the struggle in her eyes as she tried to move her arms in vain. It was beautifully sad.

I ripped her head from her body without remorse. Rage overtook me and I proceeded to rip her body to shreds. The only thing on my mind was the things she would have done to Bella. The torture and pain she would have inflicted.

Once the fog cleared my mind, I pulled a pack of matches from my pocket and struck it. I had always been a fan of fire. It destroys and creates equally. It signifies purification. I tossed it and watched the pieces of Bella's torment and fear erupt. I watched it turn into ashes and dust with a smile twitching at my lips. Another chapter closed.

Bella scolded me and then proceeded to cried when I came back. Her tears stained my shirt and her arms wrapped around my neck like snakes. I closed my eyes as she wept tears of joy. Her warmth seeped through my arms as I held her tightly.

When she pulled back the tears were gone and something else was overflowing. I refused to try and decipher. It would only cause pain. I had left that in my human life.

Warm left found my icy ones and that thought left my mind.

Fire. It is cleansing and all consuming. It creates and destroys equally.

Her lips felt like fire and her tongue was lava.

Her fingertips on my face whispered promises that begged to broken. I left all thoughts to the wind. She wanted me and I was loathe to deny her anything she wanted.

It ended too soon like most things do.

"I-I'm sorry," she whispered. Her face was flushed and pale. I could feel her trembling against me. She looked terrified.

"There's no need to apologize. I enjoyed it," I said, smiling. And I did enjoy it. A lot. If my heart could beat it would be pounding like a drum.

"Me too," she said softly. A blush rose up her neck slowly but her eyes were intense. Something akin to desire lurked deep inside them. I steeled myself. I would not take advantage her.

"Let's lay down, B. It's late." Her lips twitched and she nodded in agreement. Her chin length, blonde hair bobbing with her.

As I held her, I tried to ignore her wandering fingers and the smell of her blood rushing to her face. I had never accomplished so much in my life. Not even surviving the change. My fingers grasped her hair tightly as her hand creeped up my shirt. **Fire** erupts in my body and my stomach tenses.

I felt foreboding saturate my mind as I realized two things. Two crucial things that were sure to bite me in the ass sooner than later.

 **1\. I wanted Bella Swan**

 **2\. That would only end in pain**

She got bolder and her lips moved to neck. A quiet groan slipped from my mouth without permission. My traitorous arms held her tighter. My treacherous hands smoothed over her back. I had never felt so much desire in my short life, such animalistic lust.

I had never hated myself so much. When _they_ came back I would be discarded and left behind like I always have been. Despite my efforts to help her she would slip away. The only thing left would be pain. The saddest part is.. I would stay.

 _I should have known this was the beginning of the end._


	3. How low you made me

**I don't think y'all have the slightest idea where this story is going and I like that. I like uncertainty. This story won't be long but it will hurt. Please believe me. Review!?**

 **"Feelings change**

 **And people change too**

 **Never thought**

 **The circumstances would have**

 **Changed you. "**

As I kissed my way down Bella's body slowly. I could feel the heat radiating off her skin. It warmed me from the outside in. Her low moans rumbled from deep inside her chest. They urged me on.

We had been doing this for a while now. With her change came a confidence that overshadowed her inhibitions. She wanted me and so I gave her myself. Her lust only got worse when I told her I would change her after graduation. She had cried and clung to me with a joy unseen. It seemed all she wanted was to be immortal.

As my fingertips curled around the edges of her skin tight jeans, my gift alerted me to a guest. Not just that, a car was pulling up outside. I looked up at Bella's heavily lidded eyes and frowned. This was a vampire. My gift knew the difference. My eyes widened.

"Why did you stop," she whined. I got up swiftly and put my shirt on.

"Were you expecting a guest?" She looked confused and shook her head no. I point towards the window and she moves toward it with trepidation. Her heart beats louder as she stares out the window.

"That's one of the Cullen's cars," she whispers. She runs toward the door and down the stairs faster than I'd ever seen.

I can smell the tears in her eyes. I stand stock still in the middle of her room as she lets the person in. The vampire has a female voice. It's high pitched and worried. At least it isn't _him._

Bella hugs the stranger and weeps in happinesss. I just wait for the smell to hit the vampires nose. Sure enough the vampire growls and snarls. I'm down the stairs faster than Bella can ask what's wrong.

The vampire crouches in front of Bella and growls at me. I just blink at her. She's very small, with a pixie haircut. She's adorable. From what Bella told me, this is Alice. The future seeing vampire.

"Hey, I'm Ivy," I said with a smile. Alice narrows her eyes at me before they glaze over. She looks surprised and straightens up.

I silently wonder what the vision was about.

"You helped Bella," she states plainly. I raise a brow and nod. She looks conflicted. Bella looks between us with trepidation. "Well..I guess you're okay despite your..dietary choices."

I want to laugh but I choice to nod instead. If I want to stay in Bella's life I have to play nice.

"Bella, Edward has gone to the Volturi to get himself killed. He thinks that..Ivy.. killed you," Alice said slowly. I can't control my laugh this time. _I_ killed Bella? That's not even possible. If anyone was a danger toward her it is him.

Alice glares at me and Bella gives me a scolding look.

"Ivy would never hurt me. What was he thinking," Bella said exasperatedly. Alice looked shocked that Bella wasn't more hysterical. I smiled discreetly and turned away. This is a good sign.

"He didn't understand the context of my vision. Rosalie called him and said that a rogue vampire got ahold of you. We have to go to Italy and save him," Alice ranted. I glared at her and she glared back. How could she ask Bella to go to vampire central. I wanted to use my gift but thought better of it. This isn't the time.

"No. They will eat her alive," I growled. Alice snarled at me and Bella got between us. I calmed instantly.

"I can't let him die over me. It's the least I can do, V," Bella pleaded. I looked into her eyes and saw the need. It hurt me beyond belief but I couldn't say no. I was loathe to keep her from anything she wanted. I conceded.

We got to Italy on an awkward plane ride. Bella sat between Alice and I lest we take the plane down with violence. Everything about this was wrong. Alarms rang in my head with warnings. Bella was not safe here at all. I hoped that once she got to Edward we could fuck off out of there. I was so wrong once again.

Aro stood in front of us with a weird grin. I had been here before with my sire. Joseph had been in the Volturi for a couple centuries. He and the kings had been close considering their close age. Aro looked at me with recognition in his haunting eyes.

"Ahh, Ivy. What a surprise," he drawled dramatically. I smiled a somewhat strained smile. He had been like a uncle to me but I was in trouble today. "You've gotten yourself into a predicament, I see."

I nodded and glanced at the others. The Cullens and Bella looked shocked. Edward and Alice had a hint of outrage. Jane and Alec looked on dissapointedly. I felt like an idiot. I didn't dare look at Caius and Marcus.

"Yes, Aro. I must say that I didn't expect this at all. I simply wanted to help the girl," I stated stoically. Aro strode to me with a smile. His hand outstretched. I didn't hesitate to put mine in his. This wouldn't be my first experience.

He closed his eyes and leaned in. I felt my memories flash before my eyes. From my abusive step father to this moment. It was so fast that I didn't have a chance to flinch.

He let my hand go with an understanding look in his eyes.

"Young Ivy, you did have the intention to change the human. The appearance of the seer thwarted your plans," Aro said sympathetically. Edward hissed and growled at me before he fell to the ground writhing.

I winced. I had felt the sting of Janes power on request. It was like being flayed and burned alive. It was not as bad for me because of my tolerance was higher due to my human life. I didn't even hit my knees. She had been intrigued.

"Stop," Bella screamed. She looked terrified for him. All sympathy I had drained away. Fuck him.

Aro raised a hand and Jane let him go. The boy looked horrible. I wanted to feel bad but I couldn't.

I tuned the rest of it out. Only listening a bit to see if Bella would live.

"What about you, young Ivy. Would you like to stay? It would be like old times," Aro said with a smile.

I looked to Bella and saw her in Edward's arms. I saw him glaring at me with hatred and jealousy. I guess he read my mind. A hint of a smile twitched at my lips. Alice looked at me with a forlorn expression. I guess she knew my answer. Maybe she knew the entire outcome. Something in her expression told me it wouldn't bode well for me.

I changed my answer.

"Aro, I must decline for now. Expect me in the future. I do miss our relationship," I said with a genuine smile. I wasn't lying at all. If Bella chose him I would come back. Hopefully, I had the strength to.

Aro smiled like a kid in a candy store and clapped.

"I will look forward to it, tesoro. You all must be on your way by nightfall."

I gave an appreciative smile and moved to hug him. He looked surprised but returned the favor. I discreetly touched his hand and sent him my actual decision through his subconscious. Edward read surface thoughts so these would not be heard. Aro smiled sadly at me rubbed my arm.

As I looked toward Marcus, his eyes flicked between Bella and I with intrigue. I hadn't seen anything like that from him in my short time with him. I turned away swiftly. I didn't want to know.

Bella stuck to Edward's side the entire trip back to Forks. I noticed her eyes flicking back toward me many times. I chose to look at anything else. I didn't need pity.

At the airport, I got odd looks from the rest of the Cullens as I came up behind the others. Alice walked beside me giving me apologetic looks. I understood what she was saying with her eyes. _I'm sorry._ I knew as her hand came up to squeeze my own that the odds were not in my favor.

"Who is this," Carlisle said politely. Every eye came to me. I didn't feel one bit nervous.

"I'm Ivy. I stayed with Bella while you all were gone," I stated simply. They winced at the revelation. I raised a brow. They were too human.

"In that case, thank you. I would like to have a meeting with you after we have settled back in." I nodded silently. I understood what this was about. They wanted to make sure I wasn't hunting in Forks. How stupid.

Rosalie was the only one that looked at me oddly. She looked like she was trying to understand my motives and reasoning. I stared back as the rest of them got into their cars. She must've got what she wanted because her face softened and she turned away.

I don't know what I've gotten myself into. I'm starting to think it isn't worth it. I'm starting to think _she_ will only cause pain.


	4. Hope it haunts you

**I'm trying to rip your heart opened and stomp on it. That's what my goal is. Hahahaha. Enjoy;)**

I have known pain from childhood and now..my undead life.

I have known pain that spreads like a virus through the body. Pain that explodes through me like a bomb. Burning pain that melts skin and tearing pain that rips flesh.

All of this does not compare to the last year. I am sure that emotional pain is the most demoralizing. I've never begged for Joseph more than I have in these past months.

I had to watch as the one person I had put so much effort into chose the person responsible for her pain. I had to watch the confidence drain from her as she reverted back to the old person she was. It felt like a hot knife twisting in my chest. It felt like being burned at the stake. The worst part is that she wanted me around.

The looks of pity the Cullens gave me hurt even more. We had become slightly closer through Bella. I didn't adhere to their diet but I did hunt in Seattle. Jasper became a friend of mine but he couldn't be around me long. The strength of my emotions around the lovebirds had him running more often than not.

Alice tried to convince me to go back to Italy not too long after we got back. I wondered why at the time but now I knew. I should have listened. I should have known...

The boy proposed to Bella. Of course she said yes. Why wouldn't she? Because of me? No. I'm of no consequence.

Hate boiled inside of me as I watched the wedding from afar. I told her I would be there and yet I could not. I gritted my teeth against the pain as they say their vows. _It's like the change all over again._

This wasn't the first time I had gone through this. As a human, there had been Beth, Kala, Sydney, Bri. **Alyson**. Bella reminded me of Alyson.

Alyson had wanted me more than anyone I had ever known. It had felt good to be loved. I thought she was my soul mate..

Until she found another. The verbal abuse began. The physical abuse later. The cheating and stringing me along. I'd made it a promise that I would make her pay. And I did. _Slowly._

 ** _I want you to know.._**

I couldn't do that to Bella. Even though I felt used and thrown aside. Even though the pain filled every facet of my being I wouldn't do the same to her. The thoughts did cross my mind. More so when she came back pregnant.

I couldn't fathom what I would do if she died. Would I follow her like Edward? Would I kill him myself? I decided I would do both. Alice didn't approve but luckily I didn't have to go through with that.

Once Bella turned things got weird and..worse. The child grew faster each day. I stayed away from her as much as possible. Along with the wolf boy of course. He didn't like me much.

I stood with them all during the Volturi threat. I let Aro see me. I used me gift against him discreetly. None of them knew about my power. Not even Bella. I made sure of it.

I stayed away as they celebrated and savored their mates. Envy flowed cold in my veins.

Bella was offended by my continued aversion to the child. Every time I saw her I saw Edward. I already had to see him enough.

Bella told me that she had no choice. That she loved Edward. That nothing could have changed her decision. I listened to her emotion filled rant silently. I let her break my into a thousand pieces and throw me to the wind.

 ** _...how low you made me_**

I stared into her eyes and saw the pain. The longing. In that moment, I let go of everything tying me to this world. I shut myself off because.. **she** _knew. She knew what we were. I could fucking see it._

 _I let the numbness take over as she walked away._

I sat on the side of the river as she walked away. The double edged sword of the mating bond stabbing us both with each step she took. I watched her struggle not to turn around. I watched her fail once and I watched

her finally succeed.

 ** _I hope it haunts you..._**

I turned toward the water once again. Even though I didn't see it. My mate's departure replayed in my mind over and over. I ignored the feeling of a presence approaching. I ignored his presence beside but I could not ignore his words.

"You torture yourself by staying," Edward said. My neck tensed and I gritted my teeth. The hate never came. Only numbness. "You have no reason to stay."

 **He didn't know.**

My head jerked in his direction stiffly. My shaggy hair swung in front of my eyes. I looked at him blankly. Those golden orbs of his widened minutely at my gaze. I wanted to know what he saw. I hope he saw what he has done.

"You're right, Edward," I said monotonously. I took a lot to speak. Even as a vampire. "I'm gonna go say goodbye to Bella."

He smiled a strained smile. It didn't reach his eyes. I think he was in denial.

I walked at a human pace to the house. I let Edward beat me there. I wasn't in a hurry. I basked in the numb feeling that surrounded me.

As I walked into the living room, all of them sat waiting. If I had the energy I would have cursed Edward. They stared at me expectedly. I could see the pity in their eyes. All but Bella. She stared at the ground. I couldn't bear it and looked at the wall.

"I know that you all have been quite nice toward me in letting me stay. But..I must be on my way," I said breathlessly. Venom tears threatened to come forth. I beat them back with all of my energy.

Bella looked up at me with fury and panic in her eyes. I refused to feel the bond. It only caused pain. She gasped as I shut down my emotions fully. Being a vampire has its perks.

"We enjoyed having you here, Ivy," Esme said with a sad smile. My heart warmed at her lie.

The others, sans Edward, gave me hugs and pats on the back as Bella sat like a statue on the couch. Jacob and Nessie looked at me sadly. Something told me they knew. I didn't know how. Alice's eyes flooded with venom and Jasper stepped out of the house.

"You can't leave. Why? I'm sorry," Bella cried. Her hand clawed at her chest wildly. I knew what she was feelings.

My smile was dead as I looked at her. She would be fine. I just knew it. The ones that didn't know looked at us with confusion. Edward looked angry. I decided not to let them in on the secret.

"Bella, I remember when I first saw you, you were like you are now. I know that with some time you will forget me. I hope I can as well," I said softly. Her sobs never ceased. Alice grabbed my hand. Her eyes pleading. She wouldn't change my plans. "Remember the sunsets, Bella."

I looked toward Edward and let my memories flow freely. _Bella sitting at her window. Our meadow. Making love under beautiful sunsets. Killing Victoria. The Volturi threat._

 ** _..Keeps you up at night_**

I smiled blankly as his eyes widened and turned away. They held Bella back as I walked outside. Her screams would have torn my heart to pieces if I could feel.

I tried and failed to not turn around. The look in Bella's eyes would haunt me for what days I had left. Alice's words would as well.

"She needs you. You don't have to do this," Alice said. Her eyes were filled with pain. "Please."

I turned away with one thought on my mind.

 _Joseph._


	5. Look at the flowers

**Don't kill me please. I like depressing stories and rejection that leads to death. I think it evokes such emotion.**

 **1 year later**

I found Joseph where I had left him so many years ago. Of course he looked the same while I looked like hell. I couldn't remember the last time I fed.

His red eyes looked at me with surprise and worry.

"I should have stayed with you," I rasped. My voice was a mess from the dryness of my throat. I hadn't spoken in so long. There was nothing left to say.

His soft hand caressed my arm. I let all of my memories flow to him. I watched silently as his eyes filled with venom. I had never seen this from him before.

"I am so sorry," he whispered, brokenly. His arms wrapped around me in an attempt to comfort me. It was too late. "Don't make me do this."

I pulled away to look him in the eyes. He ducked his head. He didn't want to see the truth.

"When you found me I wanted death. You knew this and yet you denied me release. It is only right that you give me what I wanted all those years ago," I said softly. Dry sobs racked his body. I never imagined I would see my sire break.

He nodded his head reluctantly and I stood up. He knew where I wanted to do it. The meadow. That beautiful meadow. It was only right to end my suffering where she had let go of hers.

We arrived in the meadow and stood silently. We stared at the flowers in awe. They were beautiful and vibrant. It was as though I could feel their colors. Beauty was here in this place.

I turned my back to Joseph and bent down to touch them.

"Just look at the flowers," Joseph said brokenly. I could hear his footsteps coming closer. I felt nothing but joy. It would all end soon enough.

Firm hands gripped my head and I didn't close my eyes. As they twisted my head, I smiled. I felt _nothing_.

I could feel my head rolling through the flowers. It was so poetic. I saw Joseph light my body aflame. The fire roared like a beast and sobs racked his ancient body.

As he came closer to my head, I was paralyzed with a smile on my face. He fell to his knees in front of me with a match. His handsome face contorted into pain. I realized then, too late, that I loved him. I had caused him the same pain that my mate caused me.

As the fire touched me I felt _**relief**_.

Fire is cleansing. It renews and destroys equally. It made me into an immortal. It also took me away. Born through pain and irradicated through joy. The cycle turns and turns.

 **The end is my release.**

 **3rd Person**

Bella sat with her family silently.

As they watched a movie, she was watching her past. Memories of her mate flowed through her mind like Alice's visions. The pain that ripped through her chest had never lessened after Ivy left. It only worsened and infected everything.

She did her best to remain stoic for her family. Her beautiful husband and daughter. They thought she was doing fine. Edward, Carlisle, and Esme that is. They had no idea that her true mate had left that day. The one made for her.

She had no explanation for why she chose Edward except that she was used to him. She understood him. She could never understand her mate. She could have if she ever tried but she was afraid of losing the Cullens. She never wanted to lose them again.

Bella had been catatonic after the departure of her mate. She stayed in the meadow more often than not just staring at the flowers. She had never called it Edward's meadow since she changed the name. She couldn't bring herself to do it.

As they watched the movie, Alice suddenly gasped. Bella's head snapped to her. She went to ask what was wrong but was stopped by a excruciating pain in her chest.

The family surrounded Bella, trying to figure out what was wrong. Edward looked like he had seen a ghost as he stared between Alice and Bella.

"No," he whispered. Everything he thought was true fell around him as his wife crumbled under the weight of her mate's death.

"I'm sorry, Bella. She's gone," Alice said through dry sobs. Images of Ivy's head rolling flashed through Edward's mind.

"No," Bella screamed. The severing of the bond seared through her chest like a branding iron. "No!"

Bella shot up and ran faster than she ever had before to the meadow. Something told her to go there. She heard her family following behind her but she did not care. Nothing mattered except the meadow.

A vampire sat on his knees sobbing uncontrollably. His long black hair hung like a curtain around his face. Bella could smell her mate. She could see the ashes. _The burnt flowers._ She roared in fury and the vampire turned to her.

"Kill me," he said so quietly that she almost didn't hear. She moved forward with purpose only to be stopped by Edward and Carlisle.

"What is the meaning of this," Carlisle asked in confusion. Bella pushed both of them away violently.

"He killed my mate. Mine," Bella growled. Her eyes were black as tar. Whatever humanity she had left was dead along with her mate.

She rushed to the vampire and grabbed his head. He didn't struggle as she ripped his head from his body. Her fingers curled into claws as she ripped his body apart. Rage had become her.

When she came back to herself there was carnage. Pieces of the man were strewn all across her meadow. Ivy's meadow. Screams racked her body. She could barely see the sun through the venom tears that would never fall.

"We didn't know," Esme said in a heartbroken whisper. Carlisle looked defeated. If only he had known he wouldn't have let her go.

Edward fell to his knees in despair. He couldn't handle seeing his wife mourn the death of her mate. He blamed himself as his last words to Ivy replayed over and over.

 _"You torture yourself by staying here."_

 _"You have no reason to stay."_

"This is what she wanted, Bella," Alice said as Bella screamed. "She never wanted to live."

Bella silenced as icy numbness flowed through her. Her mate wanted to die. Her mate wanted this. Bella wanted to follow her.

As she looked at her family, they looked at her with sympathy. She saw the tears that flowed from her daughter's eyes. The tears that would never shed from her husband and the rest of her family.

No matter how badly she wanted to follow her mate into to death, she had to fight. She had to live with with the knowledge that her beloved was waiting for her in the void.

Years passed but the pain remained. She learned to live with it. She learned how to smile again if only briefly. If only for her daughter.

Even though she never touched her husband again. Even when she watched her husband find his true love... Bella daydreamed of her beautiful mate. With her black curls and caramel skin. The body that she had craved for so long in place of Edward's.

She would never regret her gorgeous daughter but she regretted making her mate feel unwanted. Because, _God. She had wanted her._

But it was too little too late. All she could hope for was _ **the end**_. When her mate was in sight and the fire washed her away. Turning her to ashes like her mate who now resided in a beautiful urn next to her bed.

The sun had never been so dark than in those days.

 _The flowers were never so black._

 **IM CRYING.**


End file.
